Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Wondering....

Today I have been re-living the past. Some memories are enjoyable and when they come to mind, you can remember the moment or event and smile. Some memories should just stay where they are....in the past. Yet at this time every year, my mind takes me back to March 3, 2007. This is not a day I typically enjoy remembering, but this is a day that I can't seem to get it off my mind. So, I apologize that this won't be one of my usual perky blog posts. Please indulge me the right to just get some thoughts off my chest.


March 3, 2007 was probably the hardest day of my life. This was the day my first baby went to Heaven. This baby left the world at only 9 weeks gestation. I never even got to hear the heartbeat. I have no idea if this baby would have been a boy or a girl or what he or she would have looked like. I have so many unanswered questions that I will not know until I join this child in Heaven. Sometimes I feel guilty when I wonder what this child could have been, since I was blessed with my wonderful Quinn. Sometimes I think, why are you wondering about this, look at what you do have. But then my heart reminds me that this was a child....this was my child.


This child will never know the world like we know it. This child will never know what pain is like, or heartache, or suffering. This child will spend his or her entire life at the feet of Jesus! This child has already seen our Saviour. This child will be there when I get to Heaven.


But this child taught me something. This child taught me how strong I can truly be. This child taught me how to love unconditionally. This child reminded me that even when you are in the worst storm of your life, God is right there in the midst of it with you, and at just the right moment He will give you the peace you need. Going through my miscarriage was very hard for me, physically and emotionally. I praise the Lord for being by my side during those difficult moments, and days that followed. I praise the Lord for a loving, caring husband who was also by my side during those difficult times.


Sweet little Heaven baby, I think about you often and hope you know how much you were loved. I can't wait to one day meet you in Heaven.

7 comments:

Pam said...

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and what you have learned. Thinking of you today...

KyleAmandaLogan said...

Kim,
Honey, I know your pain. I have been there before. You are right, your mind wonders and you want to ponder on the "why's". Don't feel guilty for having Quinn and still thinking about this baby. I do the same. I of course had Logan first but my mind still wonders about my missing child, because this child would have been Kyle's and mine!
I know that I bring a lot of my heartache on myself because I do still have the sonogram and I do still look at it, but that is mainly when I am praying and thanking the Lord for what I do have. I was this baby's mother, and I will always be this baby's mother even though I never got to hold them...they were still apart of me! I long for the day, that I get to see my baby in Heaven!!

I love you Kim and I am here for you! I know your pain and I know your loss!
~Have you ever heard the song by WaterMark..."Glory Baby"? She wrote this after a miscarrige. Listen to it, but have tissues ready!! I have the CD if you want to borrow.

Beth (A Mom's Life) said...

November 28, 2006

I was also 9 weeks pregnant. Even though I had two healthy, beautiful children already, it took me almost three years and a lot of prayer before I finally stopped being so sad about it.

I too look forward to the day I can meet my little baby in Heaven.

I will be praying for you today.

Kim said...

Thank you for sharing this post, it touched my heart. I am praying for you and I will now always remember the date too.

Angie Tullock said...

Thank you for sharing from your heart. I am praying for you and what a sweet reminder of how Precious Life Is!

Diane Teague said...

Thank you for sharing a very difficult story. Heaven is sweeter. I can't wait to see you and your little baby in heaven one day. What a joyous reunion. Praying for you.

Alycia said...

Kim,

Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us. You are always so open about your deepest and hardest moments. Thinking of you lots!